The Last Quarter …

Remember four years ago … way back in 2019 … just prior to the pandemic rocking our entire world? Those were the good ole days right? Many of us were just mindlessly taking our lives and liberties for granted. The old boy was just shy of 66 and I was 61 when the coronavirus brought all of us to our knees. All our preconceived notions of security and safety were shattered. The workings of the entire world came to a grinding halt. The vulnerability and fragility of our humanity was rendered collectively palpable by that invisible but potent virus. It was a completely alarming apocalypse/awakening for most of us.

By 2022, we were starting to breathe a sigh of relief. It seemed that the worst of the global Covid -19 upheavals were behind us. We unmasked and enjoyed seeing smiles on folks faces again. Many employees went back to their workplaces. Some recognized that they didn’t need public offices to get the job done. Families were allowed to gather together again. We treasured time connecting with others face-to-face with newfound appreciation. It felt like life might be resuming some kind of “normal” … where we were no longer marinating in that sense of perilous pandemic precariousness. I was starting to relax into old patterns until one of our very dearest friends, Jacky, uttered a statement that also rocked my world and changed my approach to life. As I recall it, we were having a lovely conversation when she very astutely declared:

“We’re in the last quarter”

Whatttt?? My heart literally skipped a beat. I had never before thought of my life in that way. I’m not much for football, but it’s a very solid and sobering metaphor. Given that the average life span of people in North American culture is 80 years … the old boy and I had solidly landed in the final quarter of this precious game called “life.” Her words triggered an intense and immediate sense of urgency within me. I felt compelled to play the last quarter differently. Not that I hold too many regrets. By and large, I don’t. I believe I have made the best of my days during the first three quarters, but with my friend’s sage suggestion … I became acutely aware that I have far less time to squander. I instantly felt determined to live my days by deliberate design rather than simply by default. I have come to realize that NOW is the time to honor all the things that I have been ‘putting off’ to some ubiquitous but subsequent date.

And so, the burning question that has been stirring more and more uncomfortably in my soul for these last couple of years is this:

“How are we going to shape the last quarter??

As I was speculating on how I might more deliberately shape the days yet to come, I recalled that on June 25, 2015 … I had published a password protected blog called “Living Life in 3D: My Dreams, Desires and Delights”. I have no idea why I password protected it (maybe because it felt fragile, tender and private in some ways). Who knows … but, I recently revisited it because I was curious about the things I thought were important to do eight years ago.  As I pondered this list, I could see that:

Some of the items could be crossed off because they are no longer relevant to me …

• mailing a ‘secret’ to Post Secret
  • this holds no appeal to me … not sure why I even had it on the list.
• dressing up for Halloween
  • this holds less appeal for me now than it did 8 years ago
• writing my own eulogy … filling it with notions that reflect my last will and testament
  • this also holds no more appeal for me now … I’m actually curious why I thought it would be interesting to do???

Some can be checked off the list because they have been accomplished …

• becoming proficient in EMDR to benefit those who are struggling with traumas … because, let’s face it … we all have experienced some kind of trauma
  • I actually refreshed my original training in EMDR … plus … have also added basic, advanced and enhanced certification in ART (Accelerated Resolution Therapy)
• leading a protest about something important to me
  • perhaps filing a 25 page grievance fits the definition of taking a firm protest! I don’t regret one thing about voicing my protest – even though taking such a strong stand got me “fired” … but that is a story for another day.
  • attending a protest in honor of Black Lives Matter after George Floyd was killed was deeply meaningful to me. I didn’t lead the protest, but I joined it wholeheartedly despite the fact that we were fully into the pandemic and large ‘groups’ were not permitted by public mandate.

Some required tweaking …

• continuing to coach folks who want to shift out of their ‘stuck-ness’ and be the next best expression of who they can be in the world
  • I ended up putting my coaching on hold for the past few years because I was more than busy enough with my counselling and trauma work commitments
• continuing to support people by adding some sparks of light in the dark spaces in their world … illuminating possibilities that were not previously visible
  • I have been posting inspiring material on my social media platforms and wholeheartedly enjoying my work as a counsellor/therapist
  • I have been savoring the opportunity to work in my own private practice for the last five years … although that is about to change
• practicing yoga more regularly because it deeply connects my body/mind/spirit
  • Covid-19 disrupted my ability to get down on a mat at the studio. I have, however, been enjoying a regular practice of “Live Essentrics Class” via Facebook since the pandemic. I thoroughly enjoy this comprehensive modality of vigorous stretching. It is an effective and efficient way to keep an aging body supple, limber and flexible.

Some are still ongoing …

• reading … for both interest and pleasure
  • I love, love, love my Audible App. It allows me to read while I walk, clean, weed the garden or drive. And, I always have several books in the queue waiting for me!!
• sipping beautiful wines … perhaps more than I should on occasion (judge me if you will!)
  • Can I just share that I discovered a lovely wine to enjoy in the heat of the summer that has 0 grams of sugar in it!! It is made in Canada by a brewery called BASK. I don’t particularly enjoy the red variety … but the blush is divine!!
• walking 10,000 kilometers (preferably in the sunshine)
  • I have logged 6934 kilometers at this point.
• traveling to more far-away places
  • the pandemic put a damper on the travel plans we had set in place, but we have pencilled in a few trips for 2024 already.
• spending more time one-on-one with my daughters and my grandchildren
  • currently I have carved out time one-on-one as part of their birthday gifts and we have come to enjoy a girls get-a-way in honor of Mother’s Day but I would like to do these things more often.
• publishing more blogs that articulate the truths in my soul …
  • eventually posting my “Rock the Boat” blogs that I am too scared to share at this point
  • maybe getting around to publishing the countless drafts I have started but not finished yet in all three of my blogsites!
• enjoying more lunch dates with friends … i.e. four hour lunches that are clearly not about the lunch
• allowing myself more solitude without apology … because it is essential to restore the energy of my highly sensitive and introverted soul
• watching exceptionally good series on Netflix
• laughing more often and more loudly and more audaciously
• sit down breakfasts
  • the old boy has taken to creating some amazing sit-down breakfasts on his days off work!! 😍
• having more time to simply putter … and … let the tugs of my heart guide my meandering
• taking more time for stillness and purely presence-ing the moment

Many have yet to be honored … 

• serving at a soup kitchen
• building a ‘laughter’ book on Shutterfly
• renting a LUXURY hotel room for one night … all alone
• enjoying a Random Acts of Kindness holiday … a holiday where we spend our time conspiring to bring other’s smiles and offering random acts of kindness

And, since I wrote that original list, I’ve determined that some more things need to be added!

• getting back to quilting – I took a quilting course several decades ago but have not had the time to enjoy it. I hope to resurrect this passion in the final quarter.
  • And during the pandemic … the old boy hand-rendered me a beautiful sewing table! I look forward to spending more time perched in front of it!

• playing bridge … revisiting the rules and learning how to play again … maybe joining a league in 2024
• learning how to play pickle ball! I am very interested in trying it out!
• free days – days that have NO obligations, NO responsibilities and/or NO commitments in them … days that can be shaped by whatever I might fancy in any given moment
• photography … oh my – I have developed a deep affinity for photographing sunsets! No two are alike and it just never gets old. I look forward to capturing many more …

• bird watching (I can’t even believe I am actually writing this down!!)
• and … and … and … and … 😀

I recently read a book called “Four Thousand Weeks” written by Oliver Burkeman. The book title is the number of weeks equivalent to living for 80 years. So, I did the math. I have roughly 736 weeks left. 😬 The old boy has far less than that. He is down to about 513. 😲

And, not to be morose, but at our ages the only thing for absolutely certain in the weeks that lie ahead is … decline. Unless our demise is quick and unexpected, decline is simply inevitable. My awareness that we will never be as young and healthy as we are right now provides an urgent wake-up call for us to be more mindful about how we spend our minutes, hours and days!

With no real certainty of how much health and mobility I will be able to maintain over the coming years … I am committed to doing things that I have been putting off for ‘later’ because I have no idea how much more ‘later’ I am going to have.  I’m guessing that many of you reading this might relate.

Photo Credit: Karen Lanser

So, in keeping with all of this … we started putting the wheels in motion in June of 2022. The first big shift we knew we needed to make was to sell our house. We loved our home and particularly our big pie-shaped yard. We lived there for 28 years, but it was far too big for the two of us and required far too much work to maintain. So, we gave ourselves a year to downsize and prepare to move into a smaller condo that we already owned in the city. We gave our tenants a one-year notice. And then, 13 months later our house was sold and we had moved.

Then, I totally blindsided myself when I made the unexpected but necessary decision to retire at the end of 2023. I had started my career as a counsellor/therapist later in life and have loved it so much that I never anticipated retiring from it so soon. However, it became clear that I would have to work more hours that I preferred for the final quarter in order to make it logistically and financially feasible. I knew I needed to quit. Gahhhhh.

And so, in less than two weeks … effective December 18, 2023 … I will no longer be seating myself across from my clients. I can tell you that leaving our home triggered one kind of mourning. Moving away from the close proximity to our best friends in the cul-de-sac sparked another level of loss. And, now, losing the opportunity to connect with my clients is stirring up a whole different type of grief. My work has nourished my spirit in such meaningful, magnificent and immeasurable ways. It has never been ‘just a job’ for me. No. Not ever. Perhaps I’ll write more about this on another occasion but suffice to say right now … all these significant shifts weigh extra heavy on my heart. I also know, however, that these changes are timely and will also foster endless new possibilities for me.

Photo Credit: Karen Lanser

Many people are a wary of retirement because they wonder what on earth they will do with their time. They fear that they will become bored and/or depressed and/or purposeless. That is not at all the case for me! While I know there will be emotional challenges as I shift out of my usual beings and doings … it is my intention to make the last quarter the BEST quarter!!

What about you? What have you been putting off for “later”? Does any of this conversation stir something within you that deserves more of your attention. If so, I hope you will explore those inner nigglings … even if you are not in the last quarter! Perhaps you are approaching the last third or the last half? How would it look if you gave yourself permission to shape your days more in keeping with the way you preferred? What joys would you add? What ‘oughts‘, ‘musts‘ and ‘shoulds‘ might you surrender? What would the optimal ‘pace’ of your life look like? What would you most like to keep and what might you most like to leave behind?

What if we all got a bit more deliberate about how we spend our moments, days and weeks? I am realizing that we would be wise to do so because … the hours fly by quickly and before we know it … they have turned into years. Somehow, while the old boy and I weren’t paying close enough attention … we officially turned into “senior citizens.” The paperwork has been filed so the pensions and old age security can be direct-deposited. Sensible shoes are essential. Elastic waist bands trump more fashionable styles. I’ve learned that purple shampoo is a must to combat ‘brassy’ tones of ever-whitening hair. The skin on my arms now looks like crepe paper. My knuckles are growing gnarly and my ring size is a full four sizes larger than when I got married. I can remember song lyrics from the 80s but I don’t have a clue why I came downstairs. Not too long ago, I was out walking and someone kindly(?) told their dog to “watch out for the little old lady.” I’m sure my gasp was audible. Yep, we are breathing our way into these ‘golden years’. It is a daunting realization … but … here we are.

And, thanks to my friend Jacky, I am moving forward far more consciously and more deliberately. I am intent on spending this last quarter much more mindfully. How about you?

Photo Credit: Karen Lanser

With eager anticipation and much enthusiasm … 🧡Karen🧡