Grief is Like a Ball in a Box – Lauren Herschel’s Metaphor

I have received permission from Lauren Hershel to repost this magnificent metaphor she shared on Twitter about the nature of grief:

“There’s a box with a ball in it. And a pain button.”

With appreciation to Lauren Herschel for these diagrams.

“In the beginning, the ball is huge. You can’t move the box without the ball hitting the pain button. It rattles around on its own in there and hits the button over and over. You can’t control it – it just keeps hurting. Sometimes it seems unrelenting.”

“Over time, the ball gets smaller. It hits the button less and less but when it does, it hurts just as much. It’s better because you can function day to day more easily. But the downside is that the ball randomly hits that button when you least expect it.”

“For most people, the ball never really goes away. It might hit less and less and you have more time to recover between hits, unlike when the ball was still giant. I thought this was the best description of grief I’ve heard in a long time.”  (Lauren Herschel)

Thank you so much Lauren Herschel for granting me permission to share this meaningful metaphor for grief.  I suspect it will speak to many, many people who have found themselves grappling with how to manage the ball in their box.

With deepest reverence for the unbearable ache of grief, Karen

6 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. tianatowens
    Mar 07, 2019 @ 22:27:13

    YES! Brilliant diagrams! XO

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  2. Linda Hennessy
    Sep 09, 2019 @ 10:03:29

    Thank you. Some people say they that grief should not be more than a year. I see it as a lifetime and thankyou for the ball I the box

    Like

    Reply

    • Karen Lanser
      Sep 09, 2019 @ 11:53:09

      Linda ….. I am so very grateful to hear that you are comforted to know that the grief from your loss cannot be confined to a specific time frame, but rather, can be honored in your heart for eternity. Sending you warmest condolences … 💙

      Like

      Reply

  3. Ludmilla Lawnicki
    Nov 09, 2019 @ 07:18:38

    The pain of loss is always there, hidden away for no one to see. You have been told to move on by family members that have never experienced such a loss. You keep silent as they will only roll their eyes if you make mention of your grief. The pain of grief suddenly rises to the top as anything or anyone can trigger the vivid memory of your loved one. You scream and cry alone.

    Like

    Reply

    • Karen Lanser
      Nov 09, 2019 @ 08:18:30

      Oh Ludmilla … I am so very moved by the ache I can hear in your heartfelt sharing. I am also so saddened to hear that your grief has been silenced by your family. I am so humbled that you decided to honor your grief in your comments here and thank you for giving yourself permission to speak out. Please know that your sadness and pain and mourning are always welcome to be expressed in this space. I am energetically wrapping you with support and strength. May you know you are not alone. Thank you for being here.

      Like

      Reply

I'd sure love to hear your thoughts ...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

My Tributes: Better Because of You ...

Better Because of your Shining Spirit Kori!

Better Because of your Shining Spirit Kori!

My first introduction to the sweetness of Kori’s spirit was not even in person.  Although we had never before met … many, many years ago when I was in charge of soliciting donations for something … she voluntarily dropped off a donation for our cause. Who does that?? Unsolicited?  I suspected, in that moment, that […]

The World is a Better Place Because of You … Fatemeh!

I was inspired to become a social worker given my passionate commitment to help people ‘live a great life anyway’ … despite all the people, circumstances and situations that often compromise our best efforts to do so.  As such, I attempt do so in a variety of ways. I am a counsellor working with people […]

Better Because … at 60 … I FELT it!!

Better Because … at 60 … I FELT it!!

February 5th, 2018 made it official. 60! Yes. Six decades. 6-0.   I wanted this milestone to be something that really tickled my heart and kindled my spirit … and … I am delighted to report that this birthday exceeded all my expectations and fondest hopes!!  And, in all honesty, I’ve been struggling to make […]

Better Because of Our Mornings Together …

And my heart SUNK … as the reality of the situation landed in my awareness.  Something must have happened, out of obvious sight, in the dark of the process. I clearly underestimated the potential hazards inherent within the ‘normal wash’ cycle of my built-in Whirlpool. Well okay … that’s not entirely true.  I must admit […]

Better Because You chose Me …

I’d heard her name before. She and my bestie had met each other in class … there were both enrolled as mature students in the Social Work program offered through a nearby University.  The woman standing before me introduced herself as “Jody”.  She was direct … and … got right to the point. She was […]

%d bloggers like this: