Every once in a blue moon the most painful ‘shadow belief’ that tagged along from my childhood literally blindsides me. It reeks sheer havoc with my soul and then leaves me shattered, shaken and grievously grappling for solace. And I get so frustrated, because although I KNOW that my story isn’t true … when it takes hold … it FEELS so true. And, my logical mind can’t seem to talk my emotional heart out of it’s desperate despair.
My “I don’t matter” story is strong and powerful and perilously persistent. It emerged in my childhood … an erroneous interpretation of a wee little girl just trying to make sense of the neglect she experienced in a dysfunctional home ravaged by addictions and mental health issues. She couldn’t see, at the time, that her parents were caught up in the wounds of their own painful dramas. So instead, she attributed their lack of attention to her needs as a reflection of her own insignificance. A tragic misunderstanding. A terribly tragic misunderstanding.
Through the exceptional body of work inspired by the late Debbie Ford, I’ve been effectively ‘rewiring’ the neuro-template that was firmly etched into my psyche by that erroneous interpretation. Thankfully, it doesn’t take me down all that often anymore, but … if/when it gets away on me, that negative cognition has the capacity to so steal so much joy from my heart … and … it can convincingly morph itself into any number of painful correlates:
“Nobody REALLY cares about me.”
“My needs are meaningless to others.”
“I’m completely expendable.”
“I’m absolutely inconsequential”
“I’m only appreciated for what I can give to/do for others.”
Blah … Blah … Blah … Blah … Blah.
Recently, while marinating in the vulnerability of that unfavorable quagmire, I found myself beseeching a miracle. I was pleading for a merciful release from the wretched pain of that effing story. And … low and behold … I came upon Daniell Koepke. Her words landed gently like a warm and loving salve on the jagged and raw edges of my tattered and torn heart. Who was this person who knew exactly what I needed to be reminded of in the agonizing ache of those moments??
I felt compelled to look her up. It turns out she has inspired the Internal Acceptance Movement. She has written some inspiring reflections! She was my angel in that moment offering a meaningful measure of pure grace and the miracle I was looking for … the ability to shift my perceptions from an energy of fear to a spirit of love and acceptance. So I’d like to say “Thank you Daniell.” Your thoughtful perspective answered my call.
And … I am sharing this with all of you publicly because I want to pay forward the blessings in her wise words – just in case, you too, find yourself consumed by a painful belief you’ve lugged along from your past … and … just in case, you too, are in need of a wee miracle. If so, you might let some of her words wash warmly over your soul when you are in need of some help busting out of your own sad story …
With deepest respect for our collective wounding, Karen